“What on earth am I doing down here?” Dr. Clevenger asked, upon finding herself on the floor for what was the first time, from her point of view.
“Obviously, I broke lose and killed you,” Rhyme said from inside her spacesuit-like prison.
“You manifestly did not,” Dr. Clevenger said, getting to her feet. She felt about her head with both hands, and then felt her pulse. “This would be a terrible time for me to get ill… an ironic one, too, considering that the secret to perfect and unending health is so close at hand.”
“Maybe closer than you think,” Rhyme said. “Why don’t you take a look at what…”
The laboratory doors whooshed open, and Webmistress swept into the room, her diaphanous web-like gown fluttering behind her. Spinnerette followed behind, crossbow in hand.
“Spinnerette, kill the power to that screen!” Webmistress said, and her henchwoman complied by firing a crossbow bolt at the thick bundle of cables connected to it. The projectile’s barbed head wasn’t much of a cutting tool, though, and it sort of glanced off the metal casing which protected the cords. “Oh, for fuck’s sake, I just meant turn the damned thing off.”
“The way you said it, I thought we were being dramatic,” Spinnerette said sheepishly. She went over towards the computer, keeping her face carefully turned away as she groped around for the power button. “There… oops, that’s the contrast. There.”
“Madam Webmistress,” Dr. Clevenger said. “What on earth is…”
“Hush,” Webmistress said. She turned to Rhyme. “You. Explain.”
“Well, ‘you’ is the second person personal pronoun in the subjective and objective cases,” Rhyme said. “Originally plural, it also replaced the less formal ‘thou’ as the singular form circa…”
“Explain now!” Webmistress said.
“The present time, this moment,” Rhyme said.
“No!” Webmistress said, pointing at the blank computer screen. “What is the meaning of this?”
“‘This’,” Rhyme said. “A demonstrative pronoun used to indicate a particular…”
“Stop!” Webmistress bellowed.
“‘Stop’,” Rhyme echoed. “To cease, halt, discontinue…”
“Please, ladies… she does have a mute button,” Dr. Clevenger said, walking over and putting her hand on the switch for Rhyme’s speaker. “You will cease, halt, and discontinue or lose the privilege of speech… now, will you two kindly explain to me what exactly is the meaning of this interruption?”
“Well,” Spinnerette said, “an interruption is like when something happens… that… interrupts…”
“Oh, for heaven’s sake, don’t try to be funny, Janie,” Webmistress said snidely. She then drew herself up and said in her most imperious voice, “Doctor, a single glance at whatever was on that screen caused you to scream and pass out.”
“Actually, twenty-seven glances caused that,” Rhyme said. “If you want to be technical about it.”
“Oh, don’t be absurd,” Dr. Clevenger said.
“How do you think you ended up on the floor, then?” Webmistress asked.
“Considering the evidence, I’m perfectly willing to admit to the possibility that I passed out once,” Dr. Clevenger said. “But twenty-seven times? Really, that is beyond the pale… surely I would retain some memory of that. As to the idea that it was caused by merely looking at an image… a static image of a molecule, if my memory is not seriously impaired… displayed on a screen? This is science, not H.P. Lovecraft. I graphed alien geometries for one of my theses. Your equipment’s top notch, but it isn’t capable of rendering an image that would do injury to my psyche.”
“Spoken like somebody who keeps ‘Safe Search’ turned on,” Rhyme said.
“Take a look at the time, Doctor,” Webmistress said, pointing at a wall clock. “You’ve been here for six hours. Do you have six hours’ worth of memories?”
“I… I’m afraid I do not,” Clevenger said. She turned to Rhyme. “How is this possible? And before you answer, please bear in mind that you are going to be under my direct care until I decide otherwise.”
“Well, it’s as simple as Janie is,” Rhyme said. “You know that exposure to my blood drives people mad, right?”
“Yes,” Clevenger said. “What is your point?”
“You exposed yourself to my blood,” Rhyme said. “The very essence of madness, magnified a thousandfold and viewed at just the right angle…”
“Ridiculous,” Clevenger said. “Contact with your blood… contamination with your blood… these things disrupt a person’s body chemistry in a way that causes severe psychoses, but merely looking at a two-dimensional representation of a three-dimensional rendering of a molecule found in your blood?” She turned to Webmistress. “Please believe me, the very idea that the human brain could be affected to such a degree by an image… I mean, it’s like something from a rubbishy science fiction story. It’s tantamount to suggesting that a computer could be compromised by a program that was encoded in an image scanned into it.”
“Yeah… about that?” Rhyme said. “Is that computer connected to a network, by any chance?”
“Ah, look at what the proverbial cat has proverbially dragged in,” Johnny Dark said, as Ray walked into the taproom of the Sands of Time. The bartender’s slender, clean-shaven face bore an unusually dour look, and even as he greeted the Fire-Eater, his eyes were shooting daggers at a table near one of the existentially conditional corners of the room.
At that table, a raven-haired woman in armor sat, silently bobbing her head in agreement while a large blonde woman wearing a red leather vest consoled an even larger woman with frosted blonde hair wearing armor with a wolf’s head on the chest plate who seemed to be in a foul mood. The top of the table was littered with the remnants of broken drinkware, for reasons that became obvious when the ten foot woman slammed her newest mug down on the table.
“Hey, what’s going on over there?” Ray asked, indicating the party.
“An unbelievably pointless cameo,” Johnny said. “Doubly annoying as my little Raven has flown her perch to offer up commiserations. This was supposed to be our lunch date.”
“Wait, that woman Raven is the raven you were hitting on?” Ray asked.
“Yes,” Johnny said. “Surprised?”
“A little relieved… but still full of questions I don’t actually want to know the answer to,” Ray said. “I think she’s on my superhero team.”
“You think?”
“We haven’t worked out the whole… talking… thing, yet,” Ray said. “Uh… maybe I’m not the guy to be offering relationship advice, but have you ever considered taking her somewhere besides here?”
“A great many people bring their lovers-to-be to bars,” Johnny said. “Besides of which, here is where we met, so there is a sentimental attachment.”
“Yeah, but… you work here,” Ray said.
A gillperson at the other end of the bar clicked two clawed digits loudly together.
“Please do hold that thought,” Johnny said. After fixing up a margarita with extra salt and seeing to the needs of several other customers, he returned his attention to Ray.
“See what I mean?” Ray said. “You should take an evening off and show her a night on the… whatever.”
“An entire evening? My friend, the old saying which holds that it is always five o’clock somewhere attains a special kind of truth when your establishment is everywhere,” Johnny said. “No one manages the bar as well as I do.”
“You do have help,” Ray said.
“Hey, boss!” a voice called. “If somebody says they want a Virgin Mary, does that mean a Bloody Mary without alcohol, or one with virgin blood?”
“If you aren’t serving a vampire, Jolie, then a Bloody Mary should not have any variety of blood,” Johnny replied to the indescribably beautiful barmaid.
“Oh, oops!” she said, coming back to the bar with a tray full of glasses and bottles, and the remnants thereof. “I’ve been making them wrong all week, then. Hey-hey, Ray-Ray,” she said, sidling up to Ray. “Notice anything different about me?”
He stared at her, at a loss for words.
“Uh… it’s hard to say,” he said.
She slammed the tray down and then stomped off.
“I think it might be her hair,” Johnny said. “F’tak gurgled something about it when she asked its opinion, and she seemed pleased.”
“Her hair? Really? It seems…” Ray trailed off, unable to continue.
“Best not to try,” Johnny said. “Fae magic is a curious thing. It holds immutably to its own peculiar rules, no matter how you struggle against it… you could go mad fighting against it. Her whole family line is mixed up with it in some fashion. I confess, I do not know the particulars. She has explained it to me, but her voice… it is annoying.”
“Ah,” Ray said.
“But I ramble on,” Johnny said. “You are here to see the Seeress, no doubt.”
“Only if she’s here to see me,” Ray said. “I actually came here to get away from crazy exes.”
“You want to talk about crazy hexes?” Jolie said, sliding behind the bar and grabbing a couple of bottles. “You know the one where every time you talk, lizards and spiders come out of your mouth? I had that one once, only… lower.”
“I actually said ‘crazy exes’,” Ray said.
“Oh, well… most of my hexes were done by exes,” Jolie said, and laughed. “Hey, Johnny, you know, if you’re not doing anything later…”
“Jolie, you should know I make it a point never to become involved with employees,” Johnny said.
“Oh, I’ll totally quit!” she said.
Johnny looked at Ray, who did his best not to laugh.
“You hired her,” Ray mouthed.
“Anyway, can’t stand around and chat… the crowd’s pretty restless tonight,” Jolie said, and off she went, leaving the bottles standing on the countertop.
“You could date her once and then tell her there’s a hiring freeze,” Ray suggested.
“My honor will not allow me to lead a lady on,” Johnny said. “Aside from which, I have seen in the movies how such things go. I do not own a rabbit, but I am sure she would find something to boil.”
“Don’t know what to tell you,” Ray said. “I’ve got enough problems with the women in my own life… oh, that reminds me.” He pulled an envelope out of his pocket. “If you want a classy date idea, here’s an invitation to some kind of art thing in Star Harbor.”
“Galerie Awesome, L.L.C.?” Johnny read dubiously.
“I’m almost fifty percent sure it’s on the level.”
“And you have no desire to attend yourself?”
“Not really my thing,” Ray said. “And I’m trying to avoid the alleged owner.”
“Pussywillow Is Awesome Binder,” Johnny said. “She is related to…?”
“Tigerlily Has A Standing Promise To Kick My Ass If I Touch Her Sister Binder,” Ray said, nodding. He turned and quickly glanced around the room.
“Do not worry, she has not been in for several nights,” Johnny said. “Neither she nor her friend Luna. Their other friends are growing a little concerned.”
“Wait, Lily has friends?” Ray said.
“Amusing… but I cannot stand around like this,” Johnny said. “Pure grain alcohol?”
“Yeah… and leave the bottle.”
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